why don't you marry it

danger is always the most attractive.

2008-05-26T20:05:00.001-07:00

for a moment they had kept the wild animals at bay.
each band named it self after a city. Kansas, Chicago and Alabama.
and they waged a civil war on the billboard top 40.
a giant piece of magic died that day.
Ralph Machhio dodged time. he was always the karate kid.
we felt better knowing that.
we elbowed his feathers just across the broadest branch.
"anonymous" was the clever coward.
the biggest lie ever sold. "Ice-T" as COP KILLER.
ice cube , he told you. and they told you" he was straight outta Compton. "
some where along the way all the most notorious became the tamest.

danger was always there most attractive quality.

myself and the jerks took a trip thru the Jurrasic park.
we battled poison cacti, shuffled old sand and dodged velociraptors.
just barley beating exhaustion and vertigo. we got the closest too clouds in weeks.
sometimes this hike feels like your some where else.
positioned like a postage stamp on a bigger envelope.

even there beards were evil

2008-05-18T12:35:00.000-07:00

molten lava slowly bled thru the halls of the old folks home.
bibles spontaneously burst into flames. at the mere mention of his name.
they had branded there own fragrance of evil. it was publicly shared .
her story was never told.
his business card was a hatchet.
he left a trail of licorice which led to a bear trap.

life's tragedy. jesus's strategy

2008-04-22T20:42:00.000-07:00

there biggest strength was there ability too grudge.
sir mix-a-lot's ghost shared a taco on a river boat.
the casino. and the vampire picnic.
adult contemporary rock had come full circle. it scared babies. and haunted the chapels.
gingivitis's was the name of the death metal band.
it was also the single word on his tombstone.

toad the wet sprocket.'
wrote a song on a harmonica called "the asshole's blues "

it was as unique as a snowflake. and painful as a high school musical
it felt like a wet t shirt contest at a library.
long overdue w/ " frisky business"
the kittens all wore sunglasses at the barn dance.
haunted by the clumsy fingerprint on cyberspace.
in the future. romantic comedies are endangered species.
never again will Harry meet Sally, there will never be a Wedding, a funeral or a best friends wedding.
sleep well knowing that some else has made worse decisions then you.

hero list. ver. 2.0

2008-03-19T22:02:00.000-07:00

when you meet and get defeated by your heroes.
you can just about fight anything!!! an army of skeletons.
your heroes are life's biggest ZERO"S
i posted that just for the sake of rhyming. all the biggest poets painted w/ rhyme
proof.

and then there's that guy.

he's the OST "original motion picture soundtrack".
he's been there when. and every then. since then.
when every other Hootie and the Blowfish, Spin Doctor and Good Charlotte is a mirror to pop culture. he's a classic painting or statue. frozen and static. a priceless and timeless gem.
stop hurting yourself and everyone's feelings and throw your I-POD away.

stop watching Dawson's Creek. and start "swallowing your soul".

Celebrity time machine

2008-03-19T21:33:00.000-07:00

the imperative narative.
information was spilled from the beak of a brilliant parrot.
non descriptive. colroful adjectives.
a post apocalyptic queen latifah. set to music.
a force to be beckoned w/.
should be afforded on a shameful bandwidth
the blacksmiths apron was a crossword puzzled.
"that's right" !!!
the 80's was an excuse too take risks.

celebrity time machine.
it crashed right here.

i've been told since i was 20 years i looked like Harry Dean Stanton.
Hat's off. it's better then Bob Saget.

youth sounds like "the carpenters"

2008-02-25T21:12:00.000-08:00

i'm not sure much has changed since 1974
my youth sounds like the carpenters
corduroy and polyester are the set for the show
the television hissed out maybe 4 primitive channels
you chased cookies and thought about what Richard Scary knew.
why was he was the smartest ever. he drew pictures that meant something.
cat's painted portraits w/ berets. giraffes drove double decker buses.
i was pretty sure that was all that was important. i figured out shortly after that religion was on the same page. foolish fantasy. maybe jesus, the immaculate conception and noah's ark were inspired by a forgotten Richard Scary manuscript. it seemed as realistic as that raccoon dressed up as Canadian mounted police. maybe the bible would be better played by owls and rhino's.

pretty soon after, i got wind of this dude.

this was free floating nonsense. maybe you thought it had a name.
it sure felt right. as if each line was from your pencil.
i think i felt even more a kindred spirit when i found out he too was a complete
BI-POLAR dickhead, hard boozing and a womanizer.
who would have thought.

www.shelsilverstein.com

i'll rule the whole fucking universe!!!!!

2008-02-17T21:30:00.001-08:00

it's warm even

Duo Fantasy

2008-02-17T21:21:00.000-08:00

i can't generate explosive cutting edge content anymore.

www.southerngentlemen.com
www.shefallsdownlikeaconcreterobot.com

my friends have really taken the BLOG game pretty seriously.
i got side tracked. my shallow stabs at clever word structure and the "non-sense dance" took backseat too good old fashion video. video killed the blog star. if you want to stop reading and start looking. get serious and tickle the keys too these BLOG guys. you might learn a few hot moves. peeing in bushes, fancy footwork a good old "ART ATTACK"

"the angle of my dangle, is proportionate too the heat of my meat."

my faith has been restored.

2008-02-17T21:02:00.000-08:00

it's exciting too know that there are still truly evil villains left.
this guy , this one other dude .
but it's safe to say it's most exciting when some one truly reinvents the game.
ladies and gentlemen, i present too you the new arch-type for evil.
he has his own soundtrack. he haunts your daydreams. And cast the darkest shadows
over kittens. he's the boogie man and he's the dentist. if a hangover looked like a person it would be DANIEL PLAINVIEW .
your a pussy. FACT

be "pretty vacant"

2008-01-28T22:27:00.000-08:00

it could be argued. that life has an awkward go at us sometimes.
even some new-age crystal loving hippie could swing some positive spin on it.
let's save some of that positive energy for all those dead batteries i leave in the drawers at my house.
some times there is just something so magnificent in calling something as it is. SHIT is SHIT
this guy is like the template or stencil for my life.
then i just occasionally vandalize my dreadful perspective upon my friends and anyone in audible proximity. sure i complain a lot.
hell, i even take some joy in it.

it's just when something great happens. it makes all that complaining seem worth while.

i'm not sure that any of this made sense.
but then against the ending too the greatest film of 08 didn't either.

go find something to complain about. and if you can't think of anything text me.

shadow dialog

2008-01-16T21:08:00.000-08:00

minimize your browser

2008-01-13T20:32:00.000-08:00

.

my friends put all the important stuff on the table.
playing by the rules 362 days out of the year.

"sometimes" felt like the safest answer too the final exam.
dreaming of being a doctor was different then really being one.
the fog bank was just a brush stroke on a much bigger painting.

self portrait.

2008-01-06T15:31:00.001-08:00

the phone took a picture of it self.
it's as if all the robots turned evil overnight

radio television and film

2008-01-06T12:40:00.001-08:00

the great mirror strike of 1964
no one would get a reflection.
all the mirrors would cast no gaze.
everyone had bad hair and food in there teeth for weeks
people forgot so much about what they looked like.
people started being nude.
mirror strike
ponds, pools and puddles carried the brunt of it.

Santa's Corpse discovered ......

2008-01-04T21:46:00.000-08:00

they found santa’s corpse. under a cardboard box. by the Costco.

the beard was authentic. and the list was long and hateful.
we built a ladder. out of bad R&B records. it poked through the cumulus.
and cast a shadow on the broadest rings of Saturn.
the sound would be heard forever. and all the echoes would sleep soundly.
it felt like the first time. just like foreigner had predicted.
counting on something seemed like the only way to keep his eyes open
they didn’t much care for the origin of the world. more like the origin of the word.

sometimes Art seems like the best idea you've ever had. Whew!!!

Don't you F**K'in Look At me!!! Frank Booth

2008-01-04T21:11:00.000-08:00

I've been a bit shy of the information super highway as of late.
but then my friend "CandyEater" told me to start coloring outside the lines again.

i took a big pass on myspace. but then i started a BLOG.
so I'm not sure what that means.
it might mean.

hey I'm a big fat punk rock girl.
and i don't want anyone to look at me, because i hate everyone.
but at the same time. I have orange Hair, lip ring and i look like a page out of Tim Burton Sketchbook.

so i guess what i'm saying is.....
look at me.
big fat punk rock girl....

p.s. i hate my parents and smoke clove cigarettes

trace your thumb.

2007-12-04T22:12:00.000-08:00

trace a turkey.
text a celebrity using a fake name.
spray paint a stencil on a ghosts cock
pair off into teams
make a list of your enemies
send them flowers
tap on the glass at Rubios
drink, fight and fuck
stop reading this. start your own bLOG
send your friends pornographic emails. spam, viruses and sinus medicine.
tivo your life. guess what? it's a SHOCKER!!!
make music. use the name Santa as an alias.
speak dog for an entire day.

Bruce Hornsby RINGTONES.........

2007-10-16T21:27:00.000-07:00

i think i just got my first ever objectionable material notice....

it might look something like this....

and contain certain imagery

total eclipse meet SPF 0

2007-10-16T18:22:00.000-07:00

smells like TEEN SPIRITS

2007-10-10T20:00:00.000-07:00

OPERATOR: hello, this is a collect call from the 80's.

YOU: yes?

OPERATOR: so...do you accept the charges?

YOU: Giddy up!

CAT FORGIEN POLICY version 2.0

this one goes out too all the kittens around the world...........
the ones chasing strings, butterflies and taking frequent sunshine soaked naps.
you are making all the right decisions.
while I'm text messaging and losing my temper in over caffeinated distress.
your out celebrating. getting crucial. being useful.
stop being your dumb self.
go pet more cats.
and if you think you don't like cats.
your just a professional liar. and a dick.

explore the space.

2007-10-02T22:31:00.000-07:00

consequence always seemed like a french word.

a pegasus in soft focus......

2007-10-02T22:08:00.000-07:00

it was often the work of the teen spirits
all the collage elements were painfully stranded apart.
they equalled the best parts of there most attractive enemies
superpowers were absolutely hot. but forbidden
this was most often the work of several people at once.
no one single bear could be responsible for that much blood shed.

i dare the Internet too share the road w/ an anxious baby.

the dick list for 10/02/07..........

05 TOYOTA CORROLLA LE
EXTINCTION. the world needs danger. get some dinosaurs in your life.
T.V. bills that are retroactive. 17 months
the SPIN DOCTORS....... pocket full of BULLSHIT
my embarrassing CELLPHONE usage. myself, being that guy.
Tattoo's.....you did it too yourself. good ideas gone bad
the GHOST TAX. shit. that's a no brainer.
Brian Barber. non-comunication. call dodger. and dog whisperer.
IAMS cat food.
Coyotes on EZEE st.
JIFFY-LUBE. wait until i see you fools on the streets. 2 words. "street justice".
also the JACK-OFF that stole my future BLOG name.....
KENNY BLOGGINS

check back periodically too see if you made the list.

your next!!!

cyberspace 1 why dont you marry it 0

2007-09-16T21:52:00.000-07:00

damn it cyber space.
you win again
i'm not objectionable material
i'm just another guy trying too post video

generate interest..........

2007-09-16T20:30:00.000-07:00

i've tried too generate interest.
i'm tired of interest.
i scribbled a few.
i even tried to give old Dan Price a go. he used to always do the trick.

inspirations for 9/16
fred schnider dances from old B-52 videos on you tube.
portastatic insturmentals.
wes anderson movies in the wild. "rushmore"
neighbor steve
clutter
friends
getting weird on beer
the character named FUTURE MAN
impossible germany.......unlikely japan
playing by the rules is not the rule.
the dust congress
someone stole the sign too EZEE st.
true story

being "THAT GUY", a beginners guide

2007-09-12T22:08:00.001-07:00

no one ever wants to be "THAT GUY"
but everyone at one time has been "THAT GUY"
hell. i think i set a standard.
it's good too have Neighbor Steve around.
and Casey's not afraid too help out too.

thanks for helping........

GET HIGH ON BEER!

2007-09-12T22:05:00.001-07:00

i'm not into this....

2007-09-12T21:57:00.001-07:00

just when he started to save the day.
"THAT GUY" pulled his card.
BUDDY. you will truly be missed.
were all in this together. keep it tight.

i was born here.........and i was raised here.

2007-09-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

i had a rare oppurtunity to return to my childhood home.
i never believed in ghosts or anythign for that matter.
this was pretty close.
sometimes ghosts sound like guitar solos. or smell like wet cement
ghosts are only scared of you. get it straight.

speaking volumes.

2007-09-12T21:03:00.000-07:00

one giant step.

these next pictures evade, dodge and repel any kind of clever, clumsy or my often stupid commentary.
i ussually manage to parade all my crazy anxieties and madness thru non-sense and frequent misspellings.
but this is the real thing. Graceland.
it was much more exciting then i could have imagined.
a great end too an amazing trip.

thanks to Seth. in Vegas his street cred is a sure thing.
always bet on "SETH"

w/ FOS around. candy is always at risk. this man bathes w/ soda.
Toddy. his skateboard works better than yours. top notch and clever.
Olly Whitehead. the future is safe w/ this lad behind the lens. 2 week guest window.

this is the top.

your not safe here.....

2007-09-12T20:55:00.000-07:00

so you run down to the Saftey of the town.

do you think this car runs on god?

2007-09-12T20:46:00.000-07:00

they had subscribed to an elite club.
all members were very well aware of the rules.
everyone was issued a regulation 10 x 10 mirror.
giant sunglasses. and a randomn foriegn language book.

by the end of the first semseter it was clear no one would ever learn too fly.

but, they would all become famous chefs.

exchanged.

2007-09-12T20:30:00.000-07:00

i have explored. and returned.
and in return i squared off w/ the whole history of HIP-HOP
i exchanged a hemisphere. celebrated with dodged traffic. we turned a blurry eye down a alley way. we high dived. and swam dived. breast stroked w/ grandpa jokes.

Todd hummed the theme too jurassic park on a comb covered in wax paper.
it felt predetermined.

SETH's house looks just like this.

2007-08-31T16:09:00.000-07:00

pretty sure i managed too really crush any kind of sparkling momentum i ever captured.
the tail of a comet. a purple fish. and the tall lonely cactus.
i traveled thru the old british country side. took a historical journey.
made a great grasp at adventure.
spilled beer on top off the head of giants.
shared equal space w/ stars, flightpaths.

things to do on other planets

2007-06-23T04:56:00.000-07:00

time and space.
passing thru the other channels.
i've stumbled upon a new solar system
it's just outside of encinitas. but not directly next to the sun.
this planet is old. like a giant grandfather clock.
all the parts are old. but the cogs and gears burp out constant bits of energies.
the inhabitants are clever. they look similar too the earthlings. but they can't be bothered.

i've tried to assimilate to there pattern of conduct.
sore thumbs and all. sticking out being tall.
ride this one.
i'm thinking about reinventing the code

shout out louds.
seth. the host king. he dances right on the edge of celebrity.
Fos the frantic pusher. he spins the wheel at his own pace. fast stuff

to the homies back on earth,
send a shadow thru space.
cut a giant piece of paper that obstructs the sun.
mind the gap.

going to Manchester on Monday.
going to take the tour. down the kings road.

honk if you love PIZZA

2007-04-25T12:03:00.000-07:00

my friend Brian took a stab at nonsense.

and he knocked it out of the park.

forever ill

some Saturdays they would go antiquing for used soaps or vintage moisturizers

last time i checked that was solid gold.

ROCKET PACK

i feel like science is in a coma.

it's 2007 and there is still no rocket pack

you know what that rhymes w/ "HORSEDICK"

get off your ass and design, test, master and manufacture a rocket pack

i've already figured all the logistics

Swearing for the sake of swearing

2007-04-11T19:51:00.000-07:00

roy orbison

It was the annual paranormal convention
And all the hotels were booked for miles
The ghost would have to haunt the out lying areas

Roy Orbison had appeared too me in a dream
He had no sunglasses

avoided android

2007-04-11T19:46:00.000-07:00

part man and part machine seemed glourious on paper
except for the part about time travel.

NON-FICTIONARY

2007-04-11T19:45:00.001-07:00

I spoon-fed birthday cake to a dinosaur.
I imagined I was weightless and accompanied by mermaids
Left handed guitars solos sounded left
The world fattest kid got strike by lightening today
He had stolen test answer from a ham radio transmission
purchase was mandatory on the rockpile
i have seen you kind before.
and the results were dreadful
religion felt like wet boots
awkward and clumsy
Daryl hall had married john oats on a satelite
it's not gay if it's in space
you whispered something.

you are a ladder.........

2007-04-11T19:30:00.000-07:00

she smelled just like a ladder

“Where the streets have no name”

Sounds like an honest refrain.

The cable access station was in jeopardy.

Because the pledge drive was misguided

No one had seen the missing dog.

And it would continue to be unseen.

And then missing for a very, very long time.

The news paper headline read.

Local Astronaut bad at joke telling.

Or telling a story for that matter.

Allergic to the punch line.

William Shakespeare held a wet t-shirt contest.

thru the binoculars the African snow leopard looked exotic.

chef has pornographic fetish for FONTS.

The support group had recently closed its doors.
His auto-biography was number one on the NEW YORK TIMES WORST SELLERS list.
www.monsterboobs.gov

The first name in the phone book was FUCK YOU

it was possible too marry a cloud

steel drum.....never.play the steel drum

2007-02-16T11:46:00.000-08:00

The world fattest kid got strike by lightening today.
police have suspects in custody. but no one likes the questions.
she said she always loved the smell of paint fumes.

“ I have a bone to pick w/ you” said the hungover farmhand too the zombie
The zombie said "I don’t speak your language. " and shrugged down the narrow path between the corn and indian corn.
They both exchanged emails.
and the subtitles trickling down the tattered screen didn’t reflect what was truly felt.
the light always dimmed on-top of the an abandoned restaurant.
the 05' calendar had run out of corners. and the x’ed out days spilled on the floor.

computer blue

2007-02-14T20:52:00.000-08:00

you can have a B. B. GUN

the job interview

2006-12-11T20:58:00.000-08:00

i still can't name the first 5 presidents in order of appearence.
i still don't know my MOMs birthday.
the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future are all my character references.
how about that for "NAUGHTY and NICE"

my most marketable skills are.........
my ability to comunicate w/ animals.
black and white are not colors. they are values.
problem solving, people skills. classicaly trained NAVY SEAL .
flame retardent exo-skeleton

i'm apologizing in advance for my poor listening skills.
avoiding eye contact is so "cutting edge".
my weaknesses are what make me interesting.

TRUNK SHOW

in a past life i had know idea what a trunk show was.
i can only imagine the name originates from GYPSYS. that millions of years ago they nomadiclly travled the lands selling there wares. fending off rival pirate gypsys, disease, poor cell phone signals and the giant tusks of wooly mamoths.

the STREETS

2006-12-04T19:49:00.000-08:00

don charnow "CHILLING"

from a distance........

2006-12-04T19:38:00.000-08:00

the world is blue and green...........
bette midler
from outer space it's a little more difficult to truly recognize our faults.
are human imperfections, the very same things that make us fragile . in turn make us strong.

i watched the new superman movie yesterday and i almost cried.
how about that for some KRYPTONITE.

things that rhyme w/ Knowing it.......

2006-12-04T19:21:00.000-08:00

cloning it, owning it and most obviously

"BLOWING IT"

Tyra Banks is all about being "FIERCE"

well my friend MOOSE just reinvented "FIERCE". he took the word and put some serious "MOOSE JUICE" on it.

on spinal tap thier amps went up to 11.
MOOSE's antlers only start at 11 and go to a million.
Moose embraces danger. scoffs at challange. and celebrates diversity all w/ unequaled abandon.
he can wear a cape and pull it off. not because he is super. but because you are "BUSTED"
http://iammantooth.blogspot.com/

this guy.

one of these 4 people in the photo is currently filming a reality show for MTV.

small talk , big talk

2006-11-06T23:34:00.000-08:00

you spend a huge part of each day engaging in "small talk"
how about the conversation w/ the starbucks cashier.
or the banter w/ the barista.
"how's it going?"

it's time to start taking some risks.
small talk is now all about "BIG TALK"

that's right. start stepping it up w/ these "one timer's"
barista
how are you doing today?

you.
great. thanks for asking. do you want to be my secret santa? let's exchange emails?
what's your biggest fear? i love pizza, but i can't speak itallian. i have never solved a rubiks cube. do you have any embarassing tattoos? let me guess you weight.

barista
"WOW. i'm not sure where you want me to start w/ that one?"

you.
"well, listen hear K-FED. if your gonna ask the tough questions. get ready for the tough answers. "
this might be a good time to posture up into a serious B-BOY STANCE. ask if he really wants too "GO THERE"

then when it get's awkward say............

"DAMN SON"

HIP-HOP extreme gangster make-over challange has begun.

maybe you remember this POSE?

blank canvas

2006-11-06T22:55:00.000-08:00

performance anxiety

2006-11-06T22:23:00.000-08:00

this phenomenon can be applied to many pages in my book right now.
i've kind of got a full house when it comes to anxieity right now.
my new kitten is real sick. she got some URI going on right now.
thats vet talk for UPPER RESPIRITORY INFECTION.
so it's one of those "it's going to get worse before it gets better" situations.
i'm trying to think of when the last time i heard that was?
it was probably a really bad Tom Cruise movie.

Tom Cruise seems to always be the best in every movie.
i can't ever seem to recall a movie where he just played an average guy.
what ever he does he's the best.

RISKY BUSINESS.......he was the riskiest high school student ever. he gave Bob Seeger and RAY BAN's a reason to be the best too.
COLOR of MONEY.........Vincent was the shark w/ a little Hustle from the best himself. Fast Eddie. the best pool player.
COCKTAIL...................the best bartender. KoKomo
ALL THE RIGHT MOVES.................best football player
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE...................he was so much the best. he had to be the best for 3 movies.
TOP GUN............................nobody buzzed the tower like him.

i'm not sure what my Cruise powers would be.
but if i could borrow a little of that awesome "AGAISNT ALL ODDS " Cruise effect and send it to the Kitty that would be great.

maye that's the closest i've come to prayer in 30 years. does that mean i'm a scientologist?

people wanted more HALLOWEEN PICS by request.
i have fought off these requests because the images alone have tiggered reoccuring hangover flashbacks. i had an 11 year stint of "no puking".

back to day one.

2006-10-29T18:42:00.000-08:00

dorothy

2006-10-29T17:11:00.000-08:00

i got a kitten for my birthday.
i've always wanted a kitten.
her name is Dorothy.
after my Grandma.
my Grandma is on my TOP 3 people of all time list.

36 chambers

2006-10-27T08:21:00.000-07:00

shameless plug.

last night was my Birthday. i turned 36.
36. WU-TANG has 36 chambers. and then there's the 3 -6 MAfia.
i think all these references to 36 in RAP and HIP-HOP can mean only one thing.

and i'm sure everyone in the BLOG-O-SPHERE knows the answer.

XTREME HIP-HOP MAKE-OVER challange.

maybe that means i should get a Diamond Studded Grill.
a ghetto Ol' english style tattoo on my stomach that says "MUGGS LIFE"
market an energy drink. launch a clothing brand. buy a sports franchise
start a rap fued w/ MC MANTOOTH or the SINISTER PRIMEMINISTER PETE NICE.
EASTSIDE, vs WESTSIDE . O-SIDE.

time travel

2006-10-18T22:14:00.000-07:00

back to the future.
time travel.

i've adressed time travel severeal times in my BLOG.
i've also addressed cookies, religion, boobs, pizza, morrissey, invisibility, sleeping, secret languages,
dogs, clowns, ninjas, science, cowboy boots, bruce springsteen. electromagnetic fields,
celebrities, the amish, shadows, infinity and color theory.

i have ambitious dreams about the whole month of November.
it's going to be huge for why don't you marry it.

enjoy some serious time travel

2006-10-18T22:13:00.000-07:00

some serious malfunctions are afoot.

total eclipse

2006-10-18T21:37:00.000-07:00

i want to thank the solar system.
i want to thank a piece of cardboard w/ a pinhole in it
i want to thank the music makers
cheers to being dissapointing

i'm going to try a little harder to come thru w/ some serious mediocre stuff.
i'm gonna start taking some risks again.

honk if you think LOST season 3 is the worst thing ever.

HONK HONK

take pride in your appearence

2006-10-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

take pride in this project.
take the long way. stop and leave some fingerprints.
i've really let the dishes pile up.

i feel pretty disappointed in my comitment to the crusade of non-sense.
ive' put a piece of cardboard w/ a pinhole in it too watch an eclipse.
i was starting to get scared of my own shadow for awhile there.

i was worried about what was happening.
i need to throw out a few more "Hail MAry's" .

but i'm ready to take some risks again.

so i thought i'd start out by making a heartfelt promise.

i still haven't figured it out.

but if my promise was set to music it would sound like a very awesome Kelly Clarkson song.

FOS.

is a risk taker.
he will eat an entire bag of licorice in one day.

class of 2006

2006-10-18T20:34:00.000-07:00

sweet valley high
beverly hills 0U812
feeding birthday cake to dinosaurs
zombie highschool
number 2

marrying

2006-10-04T19:40:00.000-07:00

play it in fast fwd

2006-10-04T19:35:00.000-07:00

things to do before i'm dead

2006-10-01T13:44:00.000-07:00

RIDE a segway

An appearance on ELLEN DEGENARES. Ideally completely nude

Come to grips w/ my fear of vacuums, cupboards and small boats

Hold a lit piece peice of dynamite in my hand.

Handcraft and make my own signature wooden clog.

Cheat death, taxes and at tetris

Get my face on the dollar bill

Make peace w/ the catholic faith. And project a guilt-free existence.

Find the Shroud of turrin, the ark of the covenant and learn to yodel

string a banmitton raquet and wrestle a wild boar too submission.

Get drunk and fight a leprechaun.

Invent and discover a new color. and a new vowel

Create a new genre of music.

get a THUG-LIFE tattoo on my chest

Deliver myself in a box via UPS too Alaska

Become Americas most wanted.

smells like christmas........

2006-09-30T18:53:00.000-07:00

playlist

2006-09-26T20:36:00.000-07:00

playlist

super danger.

2006-09-24T19:46:00.000-07:00

super danger.

here comes tiffany..........

2006-09-24T19:14:00.000-07:00

WOW.

Tiffany was down w/ the crew in the "back in the day" type shit
she went to S.F. a.k.a "SUCKA FREE" like 6 years ago.
she thought "Hey, i'm cool. i like denim. i like bagels. maybe somewhere in S.F. there was a place that also loved denim and bagels.
she did. she found the temperture "calvin" . and a dog named "BAXTER"

She's been gone so long we thought maybe she forgot about us.
the only thing we forgot was how tight tiff really is......

in the spirit of TIFF. here's the TOP 10 TALES OF TIFF TIGHT'NESS

Tiffany is the first person to let you know that "she's talking"
and when she's talking. you better not be talking.

she also invented the common phrase "if i don't eat soon i'm going to die"
as long as i've known Tiffany she has never died.

she loves denim. her street name is the "DENIMANIAC"

she introduced me to the movie BOTTLEROCKET.

she knows an old lady who got electructued while she was nude in the shower. and it burnt her boob.

she has a brother named TODD. for real

she was wearing cowboy boots before you

she went to school w/ Mila Jovavitch

her mom married a guy named STEVE. now she talks too STEVE all the time.

Tiffany is very awesome.

the axis of evil vs the axe effect

2006-09-15T19:12:00.000-07:00

one million years ago the spanish invaded england.
they were both in a high rennaissance of art, music and culture.
america was just a small elite social club. and not yet a sexy, young and lethal international super power.
my friend Seth came too visit. he is from england. he is dangerous w/ a knife, immune to most poisons. only crys when he watches E.T. . has no visible tattoo's. and is on my TOP 25 all-time dudes list. he also changed his name too "SETHTRIS" after the russian video puzzle game called "TETRIS"

i made him do tons of american type stuff.
here's a visual diary of what we did.

here is Seth w/ Flava Flav of the reality Show Flava of Love

here he is just after meeting Lance Armstrong. Seth loves bicycles and dudes w/ one testicle.

John is from Scotland. here he is posing in front of the Native Scotish Flower. idlewild. he speaks spanish. french and beer.

"P.O.T.Y" PIMP of the YEAR poses w/ Don Magic Juan.

here's Seth at LEGO-LAND, Walt DisneyLand and Jurassic Park.

greatest moments in history

2006-09-15T18:15:00.000-07:00

the civil war was waged between the north and the south. it was fought and won exclusively by clowns and prostitutes.
COPS the t.v show was originally filmed underwater by giant squids. squids versions of justice is swift and violent. the theme song however was still performed by Inner Circle. and started out w/ the signature "HUH!!!" "BAD BOYS"

the only way to take an accurate tempature of the surface of the sun is call the sun and say ..........
"Hey,"
"Hey Sun, is it HOT up there you asshole?"
and if it says nothing........it's really fucking hot!!

The first 25 presidents were all right handed. some of the other ones were left handed.
a very left handed Abraham Lincoln was not Honest at all. he lied about the Cherry Treeand the whole reading by Candle light deal.

when Marconi first invented the telephone he used it too order a pizza. the pizza arrived 25 minutes late. he got it for free. and then forgot about the technology entirely.
he later traded the designs too Alexander Grahamn Bell for porn mags and corn nuts.

if you type the numbers 58008 in a calculator and turn it upside down it says BOOBS.

why don't they get married........

2006-09-03T22:07:00.000-07:00

people get married all the time.
they plan, plot and pick floral arrangements.
they decide who sits where and what songs they'll dance too.
they write and stumble nervously thru vows.
they obcess, worry and wait.
but they can never prepare for the wacky uncle.
he will drink, dance and be "that Guy"

"DRUNK UNCLE" looks like that shaved head guy w/ the beard.

excuses.

2006-09-03T21:52:00.000-07:00

the morrissey mythology

2006-08-20T14:50:00.000-07:00

THE FOLLOWING IS AN UNFINISHED BLOG UPDATE.
PROCEED W/ CAUTION

it's common knowledge that i'm a huge morrissey fan.
being a dude and a morrissey super fan comes w/ a lot of baggage.
you have to constantly be on the defense.
people are always threatened by something they don't understand.
i find it curious and funny that it's O.K. to like David Bowie and QUEEN when they also were shrouded in sexual ambiguity, falsetto vocals and over dramatic stage presence.
there is no mystery to there sexuality. theyv'e confirmed there dual citizenship.
it's must be so much eaiser to be a Hootie and the blowfish fan.

people can't seem to get there heads around the fact that he doesn't have a sexual agenda.
i think he manages to be much more interesting because of that fact alone.
when you think about the fact that most dudes spend in up too 80% of waking hours thinking, plotting and obcessing about sex. running around w/ a kickstand trying to trick, manuiuplate and sell there business to some unsuspecting female.

there are tons of Morrissey myths.
so i thought i might take this time too squash a few tales. snuff some untruths and put the record straight.

myth one......
Morrissey was discovered floating down the Nile river in a reed woven basket.
this is partially true.
it was accutally the Rio Grande in circa 1462. this can partially trace his strange cult like relationship too his Hispanic fan base. and his love of Wicker furniture

myth two........
Morrissey has never had sex and has taken a vow of celibacy.
this is totally inaccurate. he has had sex close too one million times. the first time was w/ sasquatch. and it was conscenual. next w/ Madonna and the last million times was w/ all of your mothers. reference the Lyric "small girls mothers are bigger than other girls mothers"

Myth three........
Morrissey has blashemyed Jesus and God publicly. but was raised in a strict irish catholic upbringing.
Morrissey is controled by gama-light, Kryptonite and samsonite. he answers to no one.
and fronts a Norwegian Black Metal Band called Vomitstorm.

the bible, the phone book and the internet

2006-08-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

story telling.
some of the most interesting people are the best storytellers.
a joke is only funny if it's told by a great story teller.
if you can sell a joke you can sell yourself.

a parrot can tell a joke. but it's only funny when the parrot tells it well.

so i've taken it upon myself to write some jokes.
i just need you guys to come thru w/ some punchlines.........

a robot baby; a caveman and a zombie walk into a bar...............

how many lesbian softball players does it take too install a cable modem

what has 8 arms, a solar panel, an eye-patch and a myspace account...........

knock knock ..........who's there?.........you are...........you are who? ......you are a FUCKFACE

zero tolarence

2006-08-17T20:42:00.000-07:00

what i lack in physical strength i make up in my strong opinions
and I have lots of strong opinions.

I have a very strong “ZERO TOLERANCE” policy on some controversial issues.
In the past it has gotten me in a lot of trouble.
I’ve managed to paint my self into some serious corners.
I’ve hit the ceiling, drawn a line in the sand and burned countless bridges
There something very romantic about being a stubborn jerk. being predictable keeps people guessing.
Even when I’m wrong, it’s about sticking to your guns.
here's some of the more timeless and honored BANS.

Reggae…..zero tolerance…..find an exception…..i’ll find an exceptional way to tell you why it’s busted.

Flossing…..i’ve done it, I’m currently in a rennisance and trying to floss every night. It can still “FUCK ITSELF”

Pleated pants…….if your wearing them now and I consider you a friend; we need too revisit this issue promptly. Friends don’t let friends pleat. I believe it was discovered by the French and perfected by DOCKER.

the word SWAG. i think it's a snowboard term. for free stuff.
if you refer to free stuff as SWAG you are telling the world.
"hey, look at me. i'm a barney, kook and poser" that's right . i said all those words

Jazz fusion…….the only things it’s fused w/ is HORSE SHIT. Jazz has been on my thin ice list for years. You add the word “fusion” and it only gets worse

Whoppi Goldberg.........i'm pretty sure this is a no brainer. but if not, Sister Act 1 and Sister Act 2 Breaking the Habit. if you enjoy her movies please submit your adresss so i can MAPQUEST directions to your house.

***
i want to thank my friend Tommy for introducing me too the BAN

unsolved mysteries

2006-08-16T22:30:00.000-07:00

STILL no one has sent the correct answer too the
PAULA ABDUL CURSE OF THE COLD HEARTED SNAKE question
the stakes have been raised.......

a hand-crafted MOZ MIX C.D.
more NERDS
an authentic throwing star or "Shurken"
a portrait of you done only in LIQUID PAPER
one PORN MAG. title yet to be determined

contact me

johnm@blackboxdist.com

highschool female gym teacher

2006-08-16T21:59:00.000-07:00

who has the high score for sneezing?
the world record for worlds biggest jack-off is currently held by you!
your shadow is your body telling you are fat.
in every lie. is a little bit of truth.

true comunication.............

2006-08-14T21:12:00.000-07:00

200 MPH.................

2006-08-14T20:43:00.000-07:00

twohundredmilesanhour.
twohundredstylesofcolor
nobody is scared of fire. everbody is scared of being burned
people who often wear sunglasses have the best secrets
most ghosts are under the impression that they are alone
the only time we feel truly alive is right after the gas light goes on. *******
too have a firm handshake w/ real danger is huge and awesome .
you don't have too watch dynasty too have an attitude
your strongest and keenest sense, is your sense of "embarssment". if you want to test it.........
fart in a crowded elevator......
flossing your teeth is a pain in the ass.
your name spelled backwards sounds like KLINGON
act your age not your shoe size
surrounding yourself w/ killer bees will increase your street cred.
your life is a shitty reality show on U.P.N.
writting FUCK YOU as the subject of an email.........is and will always be funny.

******sometimes i'm not sure if i heard some one else say this stuff.
or i heard it in a Silver Jews song.

worlds greatest love songs...........

2006-08-14T20:11:00.000-07:00

totally awesome vs get rad or die trying

2006-08-14T09:09:00.000-07:00

You’re only as a strong as your greatest weakness…..

Badminton has historically been the measurement to settle all disputes.
The Ancient Pre-bronze era civilizations of Central America would host games of mortal consequence.
Winners would be immortalized in cave paintings as exalted deities. Losers would be systematically sacrificed and subject to drink the blood of there fallen team members.

The Great Wall of China was recently proven to be the Net for timeless feuds of ancient China vs nomadic adversaries of Hunnic, Mongol and Turkic invaders.

Other great feuds settled upon the bloody fields of badminton………

Leprechaun’s vs ninjas
the Lifetime channel vs the 1980 Super bowl champion Pittsburg Steelers
Military time vs Guatemalan high mountain gorilla
Count Chocula vs Ru Paul
Ranch dressing vs Bill Gates

totally awesome vs get rad or die trying

shuttlecock...........

2006-08-13T23:21:00.000-07:00

excerpts from a conversation w/ superman.....

2006-08-07T21:04:00.000-07:00

me.
hey, so i understand you have heat vision?

superman.
yes, that's true

me.
i'm also under the understanding that you are very strong, you enjoy flying and that you also have x-ray vision is this true?

superman.
umm...yes.

me.
did you ever use your heat vision to cook popcorn, jump start a P.T. Crusier or make womens clothes fall off?
have you ever had a SUPER BONER?

...........awkward silence.....

me.
excuse me...did you maybe not like that question? did it make you feel SUPER uncomfortable?
sorry you SUPER ASSHOLE.

CULTURE CLUB.........

2006-08-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

cracking eggs before they hatch
subtitled french in chicken scratch
buying vowels in morse code
naked truths where lies get sold
cheap suits and candy bars
false teeth and greeting cards
smelling, yelling black sore throat
oragami paper boat
fresh water or volcanic ash
u.v light with vintage trash
first base, second base and last in line
and always, always last in line.

the curse of the "COLD HEARTED SNAKE"

today i spent way too much time trying to find that Paula Abdul video where she jumps on the back of the chair.
anyway, i never found it.

but i did manage to completely smash my penis off on a chair while playing badmitton.

if any one can tell me which Paula Abdul video has the cold hearted snake chair stunt in it wins a box of NERDS.

i promise. send me your adress. and i will send real goddamn mail. w/ zipcodes, stamps and bad tasting envelopes.

multiple chioce

2006-08-05T19:40:00.000-07:00

alot of decisions are made for you and beyond your control.
fortunatley science makes all of the criucial decisions.
gravity is going to make your hair grow long. gravity comands that your gums recede and is one hundred percent certain that in your lifetime you will never slam dunk.
it is predetermined that your shadow follows you intently. it never wanders. it never wavers.
that inside your shadow are more than 1 million peices of shade are all partying in one area.
your shadow like gravity never takes a vacation.
science constantly reminds us that it is the only truth.

next time you see someone w/ a jesus fish on there car ask them if Jesus has a myspace account.

santa claus has unprotected intercourse.......

2006-08-05T19:35:00.000-07:00

everytime.
all the time
most of the time
sometimes
one million times
first time for everything
the last time
feels like the first time

birthday song. sing it w/ feeling

2006-07-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

people only sing it too you once every 365 days.
make sure they say it w/ feeling. w/ heart and w/ gusto.
if they suck at it, or throw the "you look like a monkey..............and you smell like one too" bull shit
say ......."you know what, FUCK THAT!! this is my Birthday. sing it like you mean it"

here we are making it count for james.

23 candles

ROY ORBISON..............in dreams............

2006-07-30T11:05:00.000-07:00

one thousand leauges

2006-07-30T10:42:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER

2006-07-29T20:10:00.000-07:00

creative disclaimer

i'm sick and i'm tired of the picture "KYBOSH"

so going fwd. i will have my wacky, witty and cutting edge horse shit as seperate crap.
and then pics will be stand alone awesome'ness

SPARK IT OFF

my mother told me never.......

2006-07-28T18:30:00.000-07:00

my very eager sister just served us nine pickels
mercury. venus. "e?" saturn. jupiter. uranus. neptune. pluto.

my mother told me so many things.

i'm not really sure which ones to believe......

1. with great power comes great responsibilty
2. always lift up and put the toilet seat down when your done w/ your business
3. you can't put 10 gallons of shit in a 5 pound bag
4. treat others as you wish to be treated
5. never look in a womans purse
6. you got to know when to hold em'. know when to fold em'
7. reading books is for NERDS and FAGGOT's.
8. always violently honk your horn and FLIP-OFF a school bus of children.
9. fighting dirty is mandatory when the streets are tough.
10. go to move is choke-out. then knee to the bean-bag. too eye gouge. if your opponent is still alive and ready to brawl he is a T-2000 and all bets are off.

time travel

2006-07-25T21:58:00.000-07:00

time travel is "super hot"
there a several ways to conduct time travel.
one way is too ......

1. take pictures of yourself in front of old stuff. maybe you holding an old newspaper w/ a super old date on it.

2. take a baby photo of you and put it in front of a spaceship. then take a picture of you as a baby in front of a spaceship.

tell your friends that you have seen the future. and it was an exhausting journey. make sure your all sweaty and stuff. tell them that in the future there arm has been chopped off and replaced w/ a robotic claw. that they drive a P.T.Crusier. and that there fat and bald.

you will also tell them that the 2o06' SLOPPY JOE BATTLE was a stupid idea. and they will agree.

06' SLOPPY JOE BATTLE

2006-07-25T20:27:00.000-07:00

we held this years first annual SLOPPY JOE SLOP-OFF 06
each contestant started w/a blank canvas.
there were some simple rules....

1. each JOE must eat the whole sandwich
2. no JOE can eat there sandwich upside down
3. once the shit is on the canvas it can not be eaten or altered

may the SLOPPIEST JOE loose/win

forward thought vs reverse engineering

2006-07-23T21:03:00.000-07:00

two steps forward .............two steps back.......
we come together cause opposites atrract
it ain't fiction it's a natural thing.

paula abdul. paula is a reoccuring theme with in my BLOG.

she danced w/ an animated wolf, arsenio hall and had intercourse w/ emilio esteves.

HOMIE-o-pathic healing

2006-07-22T18:49:00.000-07:00

HOMIEOPATHIC energy

this joint goes out to my amigo in P-TOWN.
keep on keep'in on.
when life gives you LEMONS. take a shot of tequila
it takes more than some LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT AB AB UP DOWN UP DOWN shit too take the MOOSE out.
this is some JOHN HUGHES shit.
i'm talking about throwing some serious PRETTY in PINK shit.
mooses antlers are made of teflon.
that's right. nothing sticks.
just try too sprinkle some salt on there.
put some HATER-ADE on there. nope

riding dirty.......

2006-07-22T18:27:00.000-07:00

i'm drinking gin and juice,
one for the money two for the bitches, three to get ready and four too hit the switches.
C.R.E.A.M "cash rules everything around me"
ghost ride the whip.

.

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?

2006-07-21T19:15:00.000-07:00

people have been asking for months now!
i know who did it..........

heather and James.........

FINE YOUNG CANIBALS

2006-07-21T19:10:00.000-07:00

you are what you eat............

check out these canibals

TEMPerTURE..........

2006-07-21T19:00:00.000-07:00

every time i try to insert photos. it turns out like a big piece of "STEVE"
FUCK YOU STEVE.
I HATE YOUR GUTS

the answer is always........."BOOBS"

2006-07-20T09:15:00.000-07:00

i have only been giving you 67%
do you accept my apology?

i promise you more photos, nonsense and most importantly spelling errors.

for now, tune in too something better. my friend mantooth has been killing it latley.

find out what your ZAT score is.

http://iammantooth.blogspot.com/

to tide you over until then.
i promise you Boobs. tons of em. even when there stoops. it's tight.

jen........is delivering the goods

http://nakedjen.blogs.com/nakedjen/nakedness/index.html

100 different shades of BLACK

2006-07-16T10:17:00.000-07:00

Binary
1. Base two. A number

Binary
1. Base two. A number representation
consisting of zeros and ones used by practically all computers
because of its ease of implementation using digital
electronics and Boolean algebra.

according to the Binary code. there are only ones and zeros.
all computers from the most basic functions too the most complex, hinge on ones and zeros.
this creates a very BLACK and WHITE exsistence.

the Boolean algebra system does not tolerate or aknowledge the Grey areas.
the "Sort of's " the "What-evs'" the "kinda's". it does not celebrate or revere the "not sures" or let alone a good "L.O.L". the binary code has a huge problem w/ myspace, porn and online gambling.

when you are a gay, there are no levels of intensity.

Greys in the military. Grey Pride Parade .

NOVA SCOTIA vs SATURN

2006-07-13T20:54:00.000-07:00

the future is uncertain........

2006-07-13T20:48:00.000-07:00

victory is projected upon winners.
members are just that. exclusive memebers. members only.
if you are still from the future. and you use it and abuse it for the power of evil, clap your hands. if you make your enmies fear you. if your shadow can kill by itself. you are from the future. if life seems out of focus and blurry. you are living in the future.

dumbrella...........

2006-07-13T19:17:00.000-07:00

bowel movement..................bowel movement............owl movement
dumbrella
i used to really jump and jive around.
and really ruffle my clever feathers.
i had dreams of being a practicing and card carrying artfag.
like that guy. and every other creative native. oodles of doodles. and post-it notes. and inside jokes.
somewhere along the winding road i got extremely distracted.
i got to concerned w/ finding my fingerprints. i had too many influences. and i started to draw the same line that every other turkey did.

i wish i wasn't like that.

i wish i didn't have level 9 gingavitus
i wish i didn't get that bob marley tattoo
i wish i took more computer classes
i wish i invented the internet
i wish i new what nanotechnology was. and when i do find out what it is. i wish i invented it.
i wish when i was a baby i was born w/ a mustache

in our lifetime we will see some amazing crap. but you can go to sleep w/ an erection knowing that you will never drive a flying car.

shameless, nameless and lameness

2006-07-13T19:11:00.000-07:00

peter cetera said it first,
post-chicago. pre- karate kid
"i don't know much........but i know i love you"
fools RUSH, RUSH in when Paula Abdul puts out the vibe.
you decide who's pulling your chain. who's pulling the strings.
is it DAVE MUSTAINE or JAMES HETFIELD
no one remembers MUSTAINE.
RUST IN PEACE